Late summer update

Picture: Me and a resident cat at the Blue Heaven Restaurant in Key West, FL, December 2008.

Yes, yes, yes...it's been ages that I have written. Of course I think of groovy things to write on my drive home from work, and by the time I get home I'm not thinking of blogging but of food and sleep. It is a glorious sunny cool day here in VA in mid July, unseasonably cool and grateful for that!
So I shall attempt to make up for some lost time.
I am frequently on Facebook but often try to only lurk and quietly keep up with friends.

Big news: I am putting my house on the market [again] on August 1. Gads! The market still sucks and worse, a house, exactly like mine sold. It was empty for 11 months. They sold it for $181,000! This entirely ruined it for me! My bottom dollar was gonna be $190,000 and now I'm putting it on the market for $189,000. Now I have a new bottom dollar bargain basement price which I have been told not to reveal until I need to. At this price of $189,000 I am very reticent to offer closing costs and/or a carpet allowance. I was willing to do that last year. However, since my house is listing at less than I desire, so are other houses, and in that respect the field is somewhat leveled and I should still walk away with a decent "profit" and the ability to make a decent down payment. I have also been told to be prepared to be low-balled, something I am not looking forward to! However, apparently everyone is doing it, since it's a buyer's market. The houses I am looking at online in the Madison, WI [yes, that's where I'm moving to] are reasonably priced, but if I can low-ball them too, so be it.

Here is the description I wrote for my realtor to try and use:
BEAUTIFUL 1400 SQ FT TOWN HOME; 3 BDRM; 2.5 BATH; WELL MAINTAINED; QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD CLOSE TO SHOPPING; BUSCH GARDENS; I-64. FIRST TIME BUYERS DON’T PASS THIS UP! 10’ HIGH CEILINGS DOWNSTAIRS; GAS FIREPLACE IN LR; CELING FANS IN LR, KITCHEN, MASTER BR; MASTER BR WITH OWN BATH; LARGE CLOSETS IN ALL BDRMS; OPEN FLOOR PLAN; LARGE ATTIC WITH PULL DOWN; REAR DECK OVERLOOKS LAWN AND WOODED AREA; PERENNIAL FLOWER BEDS AROUND HOUSE. QUIET NEIGHBORS.
Perhaps I will post some house photos on the blog as well. If you desire more details please comment on this blog so we can get in touch with one another.

It is going to be a wild ride this late summer into fall & winter!

My job: well....It's busy to say the least! I am a hard worker, but I've never worked so hard in my life! I now know how it is to smile in the midst of hysteria, and what profound exhaustion is, to the point of wondering if I'm having a nervous breakdown. I question my mental health, seriously at times, when I get so tired I can hardly think. This state often occurs as I am leaving the building after 13+ hours. How do I every drive home? I like nursing, but I am learning I am not cut out for hospital floor nursing. I desire to teach more, have people learn to take charge of their own health, interact with the community more, bring in a spiritual aspect to my practice. This may sound idealistic, but why can I not do all this?

I took a Tai Chi class this morning, outdoors in a parking lot w/ several "older" folks. (in my opinion Williamsburg is a tourist town and a retirement community - hence: the "older" folks) At least these people have taken charge of their life and health, unlike some I see in a hospital bed! The class made me smile in that the instructor is trying to "dumb down" some of the energy and spiritual explanations of Tai Chi. It felt like I was standing amidst a bunch of muggles! (snicker) We learned about 3 movements out of a 24 form. I can come to two more classes and then my self-scheduling of work interferes. At least I may have a bit of a foundation and will continue to search for more instruction later.
I have also begun to exercise more regularly, about twice a week at a Pilates studio that has other classes as well. I have been cycling, BOSU, yoga. I like it a lot and have begun to see small changes in my shape. I feel a responsibility to my nursing practice to keep myself healthy in order to take better care of my patients. And I like it too. Though I am often tired and would rather stay home and surf the net, nap, sleep or watch a movie, it's better that I get out. I feel the energy benefit.

I am noticing the season change already since summer solstice. The sun is no longer as high as it was when I leave for work, it is still behind the trees. Is is much darker @ 8:45pm that it had been a month or more ago. Some leaves on trees are yellow and falling. Late summer flowers are blooming. The cicadas and crickets are singing all day and all night. The trees are a darker green, not the bright green of spring and early summer, but darkening into late summer, early fall, on their chromatic journey of color changes. I like noticing this subtly, and hope others do as well.

A healthcare rant: If I'm healthy why do I have to pay the same or more [for insurance] than people who are not healthy or practice unhealthy habits? Why did our hospital offer small monetary bonuses to employees who quit smoking? I don't smoke and I didn't get an incentive!!! Why to patients seem angry when they don't get better, like it's healthcare's fault we cannot fix them??! If they could only see the accumulation of their lifestyle habits that got them into that hospital bed in the first place! Now, I am well aware that genetics and other factors play a part in many dis-ease processes. I am well aware that when some people end up in a hospital bed and it's not their fault. However, it seems to me many of the people I attend to could have avoided that trip to my care. I also realize if everyone was healthy I'd be out of a nursing job, but that's ok! In some way, that would be worth it.

On a more personal note....I have remained single for a year now. I have been single for longer in the past. But a year "alone" after being "partnered" for 4+ years takes some getting used to. I don't like it. I yearn for a romantic, partnered relationship but that idea also frightens me very much! I am reluctant to give my heart away but am willing to do so at almost a moment's notice! When I get so tired after a long and frustrating day I wish for this [a relationship] more than ever. I desire to share my day with someone, to have some one at home, to be at home for someone else. Other days I'm so thankful for my freedom to literally go when and wherever I want to! [for example: one day last week I decided to go to the beach in the middle of the day, and I did!]
I am thankful for my mother to be there for me and especially my friends that are a phone call away to distract me from my thoughts. In recent weeks I have had a phone date with friends in Madison and we call one another and make martinis and chat for hours! It's great fun!
I am thankful for my health, my job, my house, my friends, my cat, my health, my job, my family, my cat. My mother often reminds me that I'm really doing ok, despite my dark moments. And I am. I am trying to believe in me more and that's a difficult thing to do.

I shall endeavor to write more often and keep up to date on the house selling journey which will probably occupy many of my thoughts in coming weeks/months. I shall try to share my plans and ask for input. I feel this may be a better forum for more extended thought than Facebook. However, knowing this blog is "out there" is a daunting prospect.
peace out! love, laughter! breathe! exercise, eat right and all things in moderation! smile!